Money, money, money
(HOW MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER is my wife’s favorite hub)
So, I’m excellent in math, that is not in dispute. X always equals 3. My math instructor often sought out my wisdom when she encountered a problem in algebra. Believe me when I tell you that I can take an isosceles triangle and make it fly. Einstein and I were practically the same height.
I can make a bomb out of two sticks, a stick of gum and a stick of dynamite. Believe it or not it’s true. (Okay, so it’s not a new joke, so sue me.)
But the other day I was at Macdonald’s and I got a Big Mac meal and it came to $6.66, including tax. (I’m up here in Canada eh) So I shouted, “That the devil’s hamburger!” No one paid any attention to me, and since Satan didn’t show up I figured it was all mine.
Additionally, I changed my mind and ordered two Big Mac meals. I knew exactly how much it was going to cost. So I calculated that if one meal costs $6.66, right, yes, then 2 would surely be twelve twelvety twelve. But no, the idiot behind the counter charged me $13.32. Go figure.
So a fight ensued. Chairs were thrown (not an easy task since they are bolted to the floor), hair was ruffled, fists were hit with faces, asses were bitten. I taught them a lesson they’ll never forget.
A lawsuit is pending. And yes I will defend myself; they don’t stand a chance, well perhaps a little one.
So money makes the world go round, and it also makes everyone a little nuts in this economy. And being the smart guy that I are, I came up with an equation to sell every single car in America. Just imagine the people that would be put to work! That fact is also not in dispute. I know what you’re thinking, he’s trying to be funny again. But capital NO! I told them that people would be fighting one another to get their hands on those cars, and they even agreed with me on THAT point. I talked to several dealerships and they all agreed that it would work, but they felt they simply had to decline. I was not given an explanation just an ugly angry face.
So what was the great idea? The answer is at the end of this blog or hub or …
I was on the Antiques Roadshow last week and I had a five-year-old hundred dollar bill. The guy offered me fifty bucks for it and I said sold! You have to grab opportunity by the you know whaties when it knocks.
There are many ways to make money my fine feathered friends. I’ll tell you one that I attempted. We formed this rock band see, and we practiced and we practiced. I don’t like to blow my own horn but we were good; no we were great. I was the lead singer and I brought tears to peoples eyes. So we started to throw some concerts to get the word out. We were ready to be famous. I believe we threw about five concerts when the funniest thing happened. Not even one person showed up for a concert.
“Not even one guy pushing a shopping cart full of junk!” he screamed.
You think that I was such an awful singer that nobody showed up? But think about it, a place that seats over ten thousand people and with all our publicity not a single person bought a ticket? That simply doesn’t compute. It’s as much of a mystery as how they built the leaning tower of pizza. Scientists would be puzzled. Even I couldn’t figure it with an IQ of 45.
So what was the name of our rock band? We called ourselves CONCERT CANCELLED.
Drum roll, it is time to tell you how I would have sold all those cars. It’s elementary my dear readers. Every single car comes with a suitcase in the trunk, with a million dollars in cash in it. Smart eh! I know what you are thinking (Boy, he says that a lot), that I should be president. But I’m a Canadian, sorry.
(One interesting fact about the writer of this blog, he was in the same class as Bugs Bunny in the fifth grade. In fact Bugs sat in the desk directly behind him and would poke him in the back of the head with his carrot on a regular basis. One day A. J. Gallant turned to the rabbit and said, “What’s up doc?” And the rest as they say is HISstory.