How men and women differ

How men and women differ

Men good women better

Men and women are different in many ways, besides the fact that men have habahabas and women have whoosles. That’s right, I’m making up stuff. I’m a stuff maker upper, look it up in the dictionary. Go ahead I’ll wait.

Women come from fantasy and pretty summer flowers. And men come from the deep dark woods, where bears go to the washroom as I hear it. That why the Star Trek guys got into so much trouble, to BOLDLY go where no MAN has gone. They didn’t go nicely; it was get the heck out of the way or I’ll hit you in the head with my proton torpedo! That’s men for ya. Women would have taken a smarter approach. Women would have said, “Come and see my nice flowers.” And then she would have broken the pretty vase over their heads.

The differences between men and women. Men are all tough and strong and rowdy and hairy and lumpy. Men are robust. Men take pride in being smelly after a long day on the farm or even at the office. That’s hard work you’re smelling. Go on, smell it. Then they take your head and stick it under their armpits. Men think they can say anything if they say it’s a joke. I’m gonna take your mother out and bury her alive. I’m just joking, she won’t be alive.

Men don’t worry about changing their dirty underwear, they just wait until the dog passes out when he smells it, that’s how you know it’s dirty. If he only gets dizzy it’s still perfectly fine. Stout and tenacious they are. Did that hurt? Go right ahead, break another bottle over my head; I’ll go to the morgue later, if I have time.

Men are so determined aren’t they, especially when they’re wrong. “Did that guy look at you honey? Did he glance at you. He was looking at you with his peripheral vision honey, wasn’t he! I’m gonna have a talk to him!”

“Don’t you dare, he’s four times your size. Isn’t that Mike Tyson?”

“But honey, I’ve had a few beers which give me the strength of ten men. I can take him! I’m wiry.”

“I’ll call the ambulance now. Oh, and say goodbye to your ears.”

“That’s right honey, he’ll need an ambulance.”

Women are pretty and smell good. They’re in the washroom for seven hours in the morning combing their hair. Their beauty is legendary and they’ll kill you if you don’t tell them so. Did I mention that women are nice and curvaceous and tasty? Women love dainty things, that beautiful sunrise with red and blue sky. Men love a blue sky too, they like to shoot a duck right out of it. “There’s a duck, let’s shoot it.”

“But the kids.”

“Oh, here’s the shotgun kids, you shoot it.”

How do you handle a hungry man? Hit him in the head with a frying pan! How do you handle a hungry woman? You take her out to a fancy restaurant, throw lots of compliments at her. Tell her how her eyes are like the ocean. All soggy and wet? Tell her how you’d swim the entire ocean to get into her … wait, that won’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried it. And hope beyond hope that she doesn’t hit you in the head with a frying pan when you try to touch her goodies.

Women are emotional, and they don’t even try to hide it. They’ll watch a love story and their tears are hitting the ceiling fan. If a man does cry he has to cover it up real quick. “I’m not crying, that’s a piece of shrapnel from the war!”

She looks at you and bats her eyelashes that causes a hurricane off the coast of Florida. “War, what are you talking about?”

“What war, it ah, I ah, what ah? Ask me again tomorrow. I need time to come up with stuff.”

Men will never watch that RUDY movie with a women because he knows he’s going to cry in the end. When they carry Rudy off that football field their lips are just quivering. (I’m crying right now just thinking about. What gets tears off a computer screen?) “Darn shrapnel, making my lip quiver. Must be hooked to a nerve or something. Don’t you look at me!”

And a woman can challenge a man’s integrity with no consequences, but do the same to her. Oh, bloody hell, and bloody nose. It’s the end of the world as you know it, and I guarantee that you won’t FEEL FINE. No sir.

And why do women think they can’t hurt a man? “Does that hurt honey?” “No, just drive me to the hospital. I gotta get that shrapnel looked at, it has nothing to do with you punching me in the left liver. That liver was already killed.”

Men and women


* Men are the braver of the two species (species???) except when it comes to spiders

* Men do indeed believe that they can go back in time when they reach 88 miles per hour, but it has to be on a one-way street, going the wrong way

* It’s a little known fact but women do have a look that can KILL

* Men haveĀ  the hunter gene, and you can indeed run their heads into the wall with a big juicy stake, they’ll follow it anywhere

* A little girl will look both ways before crossing the street. A little boy will cross backwards, blindfolded, into oncoming traffic on the highway, and if he survives he’ll say, “cool!”

* A women can talk a man into almost anything

* A man can talk a woman into almost nothing, unless she tricks him into it

* Women are the weaker sex, except when they don’t want to be.