Funny Story: How My Husband Wound Up Wearing My Victoria’s Secrets

Men! Need I say more? If only they would learn!

We spent quite a bit of time visiting in Central Oregon and once upon a time, they had a North Face Outlet store. Bob has the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen and I am always trying to get the right “stuff” to bring out those baby blues. On our trip to Bend, we found THE jacket to die for and Bob as well simply had to have it. It quickly became his favorite of all time. That’s when the trouble started.

Weeks later, he has all but slept in his favorite jacket and decides it needs to be washed. I have up to this point now been doing his laundry for roughly 25+ years and have yet to have any laundrical disasters. But hey – for some crazy reason known only to Bob, he gives me the news flash that HE is going to wash his precious jacket and I’m not to do anything with it or even touch it. Well, if that wasn’t a slap in the face but I figured at this stage in our life, it’s best to just let go of the reins and let him ride free….or give him enough rope and stand back and watch what happens. Fine by me!

Picture by Audrey Kirchner – The Catalog I’m Hiding from Bob

How My Husband Wound Up Wearing My Panties

A day or so went by and I’m innocently sitting at work at my computer
processing files for our medical transcription business; Bob is out performing one of his parts, a 200-mile delivery jaunt that takes him all over the greater Seattle area to at least 5 hospitals and numerous doctor offices daily. About mid afternoon, he bursts into my office quite flushed and more than a little flustered whereupon he proceeds to pull out a pair of my Victoria’s Secret blue panties from his pocket. Well, first off I’m more than a little worried. I hear about this kind of thing all the time and although I don’t THINK my husband is a cross-dresser, it usually comes out of nowhere and the wives always claim “they had no idea”. Could I be one of these women?

I demurely ask if there is anything he needs to tell me and after a few beats of stunned silence he briskly waves THAT off – whew….dodged a
bullet there. “Oh don’t be ridiculous,” he says with great indignation.
“But then what are you doing with my panties in your pocket, if you don’t mind me asking the obvious, Bob?”

He proceeds to tell me all about his day; he has gone for coffee, he has run in at this hospital to pick up/drop off, this doctor’s office, another hospital; gone for lunch, run errands…on and on it went. I don’t think 20 stops would be an exaggeration and all the while he is oblivious. Finally, at his very last stop, the dry cleaners in our hometown, he is standing in line (it is a very busy shop) and someone taps him on the back.

He turns thinking he is going to be greeted by one of our friends perhaps or be asked a question only to hear a velcro-sounding “r-r-r-r-i-i-p-p” as in static electricity and something being peeled off. He turns the rest of the way to find a very nice-looking woman with
a pair of my Victoria’s Secret panties (in a matching blue I might add)
in her hand. She says trying not to laugh, “I thought you might want these somewhere else other than on your back”.

If only I had been there! If only I had a video of the moment when he
spied the panties in her hand and realized that they had been plastered
on his back all day long as he tooled around Seattle and environs! Oh if only! He was so utterly mortified he said he wanted to just bolt out of the dry cleaners and leave the clothes – as in forever. Unfortunately, pride and money won out and he stayed while everyone chuckled and laughed and he proudly stuffed my panties into his pocket.

The Moral Of The Story

Appreciate what you have! If your faithful wife wants to do your laundry, it’s a gift; get over it! No item in your closet is that important!

If your wife still wears Victoria’s Secret underwear after all these years and she can still look pretty good doing so, be grateful! It could have been a big-butt pair of white undies from JC Penney that would have taken up the entire back of the jacket; but then again something like that MIGHT just have gotten noticed before the day started!

There could have been a lacy bra plastered on there as well to go with the panties. No one apparently tells guys to check the dryer when they toss in something!  It’s not rocket science, guys!

Above all, value the beauty of a make-you-cry laugh and treasure the stories that make up your history together. I consider my 35 years with Bob the ride of a lifetime and worth every moment of laughter and tears.

Life is a ride – enjoy it!

The North Face Apex Boinic Soft Shell Jacket – Men’s, TNF Black, L
Amazon Price: $110.00
List Price: $148.95
Columbia Women’s Benton Springs Full Zip Jacket, Columbia Navy, Medium
Amazon Price: $23.92
List Price: $60.00
The North Face Denali Fleece Jacket – Men’s R Jake Blue/Bolt Blue, M
Amazon Price: $123.99
List Price: $179.00
The North Face Women’s Osito Jacket Bittersweet Brown S
Amazon Price: $97.73
Columbia Women’s Benton Springs Full Zip Jacket, Black, Medium
Amazon Price: $27.89
List Price: $60.00
The North Face Men’s Khumbu Jacket TNF Black L
Amazon Price: $79.99
List Price: $90.00
The North Face Khumbu Jacket for Women Small TNF Black
Amazon Price: $93.90
List Price: $90.00
The North Face Denali Fleece Jacket – Men’s, R Charcoal Grey Heather/TNF Black, M
Amazon Price: $140.00
List Price: $178.95
Fruit Of The Loom Womens 6 Pack Hipster, Wardrobe Heather, 8
Amazon Price: $10.00
Fruit Of The Loom Girls 7-16 Girls 9 Pack Cotton Hipsters, Assorted, 12
Amazon Price: $11.95
List Price: $12.00
Calvin Klein Women’s Metallic Chrome Micro Bikini Brief, Bare, Medium
Amazon Price: $12.00
Calvin Klein Baby-girls Infant Dress with Panties, Pink, 24 Months
Amazon Price: $15.40
List Price: $38.50
Sexy Lace Briefs Panties Underwear – Black
Amazon Price: $0.01
List Price: $10.99
Sexy Lace Briefs Panties Underwear – Hot Pink
Amazon Price: $3.99
List Price: $10.99
Rare Editions Baby Girls Newborn Tiered Dress, Black, 6-9 Months
Amazon Price: $35.70
List Price: $51.00
Sexy Lace Briefs Panties Underwear – Sky Blue
Amazon Price: $1.45
List Price: $10.99
Enticing Top and Crotchless Panty Set Black
Amazon Price: $1.49
List Price: $29.99
Rare Editions Baby Girls Newborn Spiral Soutach Dress, Silver, 9 Months
Amazon Price: $39.20
List Price: $56.00
Sexy Lace Briefs Panties Underwear – Red
Amazon Price: $1.35
List Price: $10.99

They Did Not Call Bob To Participate

More Audrey Stories

Favorite Funny Stories: Boating On The Lake at Lake …
One of my favorite funny stories is the pool story – the misadventure I had diving in. Of course I could not stop there and somehow it seems that I have many more funny stories about water. There seems to…
Favorite Funny Stories: Soccer Bloopers
For those of you who know me now as the mushing old lady, there’s yet another side to me I have to introduce you to. These are my favorite funny stories and soccer bloopers. Growing up, I was not allowed…
Funny Story About Sex: The Naked Truth
Libido isn’t exclusive to men! Wow – it hit me right between the eyes in my 20s! I’d always been a very willing participant but it finally dawned on me that I could actually ‘have it my way’ (in a manner of…
Funny Story: The Fish That Got Away
Those of you who know me a little bit by now can attest to the fact that I grew up in a bit of a strange environment. That is not to say that I am complaining about it, you understand. Just stating the…
Favorite Funny Stories: Diving In – The Story of the…
I think I’ve established that I am a bit of a klutz – kind of a Lucille Ball in the present day. In fact, the phrase poultry in motion would best describe me on any given day. Everything I do seems to…
Favorite Funny Stories: A Day At The Lake
Last week, we were thrilled to have our daughter Katie and her husband Kevin along with our middle son Patrick all come down for a visit to Central Oregon. Any time that we have company at our house, I am…
Help! I’m Under The Bookcase And I Can’t Get Up!
I’ll tell you why – because I’m a sitting duck. I’m a veritable Lucille Ball going through life minding my own business and these things just HAPPEN. I do not go looking for troubles or ‘situations’ as my…
How To Make A Chocolate Bomb
I grew up in southern California and I had a pretty crazy childhood. These are the facts. I also had a rather ‘unsupervised’ and rather ‘unusual childhood’ to say the least. I could have used a LOT more…
When Making Dog Treats At Home Is It Wise To Post A Sign?
When you think you’ve seen it all and have nailed the ‘well, doesn’t that just beat all?’ category, think again! If you hang around me long enough or read enough of my stories, you will find that there is…
Help! I’m Trapped In My Bustier And I Can’t Get Out!
First off – I never even HEARD of a bustier before we were planning my daughter’s wedding much less ever had one on. I am here to tell you, like so many things that I seem to get myself into, this was again…
Rollerblading – A Quick Look At How Not To Rollerbla…
This is a subject I can speak on with great authority since I did in fact train one of our malamutes to exercise with me on rollerblades. I can also say that it was the most harrowing experience I have had to…
Who Knew Buying A Pair Of Slippers Could Turn Dangerous?
We regularly go into the ‘big city’ to shop on weekends because where we live, our largest store is Rite-Aid. On one particular visit to our nearby JC Penney, I found out that needing a pair of slippers could…
The Day I was Too Sexy For My Skirt And Other Delusions
Ever have one of those days when you just can’t believe how incredibly HOT you must look? Well, I think I could count those days on one hand but when I was younger….. Long days past, in my 30-somethings I…
Getting Emergency Medical Help – Another Comedy of Errors
I never would have believed yesterday that by the end of the day, I would be getting emergency medical help! At the end of a perfect Sunday, we were watching the Yankees beat the Angels and peacefully…
I Should Have Stuck With Sexy – The Sequel
Having recovered from my experience at being too sexy for my skirt http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Day-I-was-Too-Sexy-For-My-Skirt-And-Other-Delusions I decided to resume the meek and mild demeanor for work at…

My Other Life Going To the Dogs

Audrey’s New Leash On Life