Absolutely

Before I start this thing I’m going to tell you what happened to me this morning. My German Shepherd (that’s a large dog and not a shepherd that just happens to be German) figured out that I have a bone in my leg. I don’t know who told her. I know she watches that nature channel. Anyway, when I awoke, there she was chewing on my leg. So I confronted her and she simply starts whistling, looking around innocently and pretending that she wasn’t doing it. I’ll have to keep an eye on her. I just hope she doesn’t decide to bury the bone in my leg in the backyard.

So scientists are USUALLY pretty smart cookies. I mean when they were 10-year-old’s, they were the smartest 10-year-old’s around. They’re flying around in rocket ships and jumping off the roof of the house, I know I was. I was definitely ahead of my time. I showed up at school an hour early one day. When they’re in university they are often more intelligent than the professors. I know I was. Jumping off the roof of the house that is. (Yeah, like I went to university. I peeked inside one but got scared and ran away squealing like a dog.)

But sometimes people think they know more than they actually do. They believe we were descended from monkeys? Oh yeah, then why are the monkeys still around! My mother-in-law may be descended from a monkey but not me. And you can take that to the bank. (I don’t know what the bank guy will do with it but take it there anyway!)

Now let me get this absolutely straight. Scientists believe that 70 million years ago, that’s before I was born, that meat eaters destroyed ALL the dinosaurs. And that’s why there’s no dinosaurs today. MEAT EATERS, can you believe it?

Are they absolutely nuts! You know how big some of those dinosaurs were! Do you? Huh? Big enough to wash your windows even if you were on the third floor… second floor? Fourth floor? Wait, let me get my measuring tape. Well, anyway those guys were freaking big. So what the heck was so big that could eat all those guys and make them extinct.

Now, for something to be that big and eat ALL the dinosaurs it would have been like a mile tall and two miles long. And gravity being what it is, something that freaking big would not have been able to support its own weight. And how would it stalk and eat all the dinosaurs if it can’t even walk. I mean to say that the dinosaurs didn’t just walk up to them and say, “Here I am, eat me!” And they also believe that dust would have originated from this large beasts, so much dust that it would have blotted out the sun for years? What are these guys smoking. I want some.

So scientists are not as smart as they think they are. I just proved it, which means that I’m smarter than all the scientists put together. You know, I really didn’t think I were that smart, but I just proved it! Didn’t I? Yes I did. I am so smart! Am I? Yes I am! Who am I? Er.

Oh, wait. The WIFE is hollering something. “It’s a meteor you MORON!!”

Oh, a meteor destroyed the dinosaurs. That’s different. Never mind then.