Funny Story: The Day I Was To Sexy For My Skirt

Ever have one of those days when you just can’t believe how incredibly HOT you must look? Well, I think I could count those days on one hand but when I was younger…..

Long days past, in my 30-somethings I was embroiled in the non-ending days of working full-time, child-rearing, pet keeping and all the extras that we Baby Boomers seem to have taken on and called our life. There seriously never seemed much time for myself but really, I had no complaints. I had a good life, a wonderful husband, 3 children who were involved in everything from soup to nuts, 4 dogs, and a lovely home. Juggling it all was sometimes a challenge, but it was a great life.

Most of the time though, I just never spent much time thinking about being sexy. Sure, I thought I was attractive and I knew I could even be termed pretty most days. I knew my husband still adored me (even if he tried to wear my Victoria’s Secret panties from time to time). Another story….

But every once in a while, something chemical goes off in our womanly heads I guess and you just wake up on a given day, put on something extra special and you just KNOW you are ‘smokin’! I don’t even know if in my 30’s we used the word ‘smokin’ in referring to hot women! But still – this day – it applied!

Photo Credit: Sil Kobieta at morguefile.com

How I Came To Be Too Sexy For My Skirt

I worked at the local hospital on late afternoon shift and I decided to pull out all the stops because I was just feeling sexy. Out came the red skirt that I usually saved for special occasions and the black high heels that I usually avoided like the plague for fear of breaking my neck in them. Topping it all off, I styled my hair down and put on a nice tight white blouse topping it off with dangly earrings and a bit of
neck jewelry to show off the nice tight white blouse – not the usual look I had for going to work at the hospital as a transcriptionist but like I said – today I was ‘smokin’ !

Bob dropped in to see me as was his custom after working his job; he took one look at me and I could tell – something good was going to happen to me – nice choice on the wardrobe! That was a plus right there.
When you can still excite the old guy after 3 kids, 4 dogs, 2 full-time
jobs and the Victoria’s Secret Panties problem, hey definitely I’m thinking I’ve got it all going on in spades! He gives me a quick smack on the cheek, a pat somewhere else, takes the kids out the door and looks back to wink at me….definitely ‘smokin’!

Well, now I had a real purpose for quickly ripping through my menial
tasks. My fingers flew over the keyboard as I typed out the x-ray
reports. I couldn’t wait to get home and further confirm how sexy
I looked! I’m wondering if I will come home to find all the lights down
low, the candles lit and soft music playing. Maybe there was a glass of
wine and some dancing in my future not to mention various and sundry
activities that involved my outfit but in a less-is-more kind of way! I
definitely did not want to waste this mojo I had going on!!

The
last duty of my day was to take all the reports I had typed up and
disperse a copy to the individual charts on the various floors
throughout the hospital. Tonight, I wasn’t going to waste all this
‘sexy’ by throwing a lab coat over it – oh NO! I was hoping for all the
miles I could get out of this little experience so off I went, clickity
clacking my way through the halls, trying to hurry so I could get home
to the LUV SHACK!

Well, I have to say – I did get a lot of
looks that night and it did my little conceited heart good. I was busy
gathering admiring gazes right and left in my direction. I was so
tickled that I had been so bold
as to wear such sexy garb to work! I was mentally going through my
wardrobe thinking of all the other things I should start wearing that
could get this kind of reaction.

Lost in my haze and wonderment,
I was totally distracted when I passed the pharmacy. I heard a low sexy
male whistle and stopped dead. Now didn’t that just prove EVERYTHING?
Was it not just the piece de resistance to a perfectly sexy image kinda
day? How could it possibly get any better? I had never been whistled at
IN MY LIFE and here was some guy whistling at me in broad daylight (well
broad night-light) and all because I dared to be sexy!

I
blushed (of course – what else could I do?) – and then I turned hoping
to look properly befuddled and innocent at someone who undoubtedly
looked like Ben Affleck and who was probably at that very moment blowing
me a kiss and winking to go with the wolf-whistle!

Hmmm –
think again Bozo aka Drama Queen….it was a quick tumble from
sex-kitten to pervert turning on disabled people! I turned around to
find this Down’s syndrome disabled young man absolutely drooling at me
and he was winking all right! Only he did not look like Ben
Affleck….he did not even look like Matt Damon! When I turned to him
and gave him the full benefit of my ‘sexiness’ it seemed to egg him on even more so to speak and now he is just bouncing around and acting very
‘excited’ to say the least.

I am now so TOTALLY embarrassed
that I am just trying to get out of the hallway as quickly as possible
with as much dignity as I have left intact. The pharmacist and the techs
are crowded around the window laughing hysterically – where is back-up
when you need it? I did not want to hurt the poor guy’s feelings but he
was just really making a scene and becoming more excited by the minute.
By this time, I have definitely lost my ‘smokin’ veneer and I know I will be a laughingstock by morning. ‘You should have seen the guy Audrey turned on last night.’

I
am blushing for REAL now and so totally disgusted with myself for being
such a conceited idiot that I can only think of escape! I managed to
mumble something to the fellow about ‘thanks so much for the compliment
and the whistling but you really need to be quiet – this is a
hospital and we can’t have that kind of behavior here.’ The more I
said, the worse it got so finally I just turned and clackity clacked my
way back to the office, out the door and safely back to the confines of
where I KNEW how to be sexy!

All’s Well That Ends Well

So ends the saga of trying to be a sex goddess.  I decided it was wiser (and safer) to just confine my sexiness for Bob’s viewing pleasure and not try to expand that part of my nature to the world at large because you never know what’s going to come along and bite you in the behind! It is much better to be adored by a few rather than mocked by many!

Yes, I was the laughingstock of the hospital for quite a while and no, I did not attempt to be quite that sexy ever again….at work!

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