A new Seinfield
Wouldn’t it be cool to see a new episode of Seinfield? Oh, to have those crazy characters back again. George and Elaine battling it out for our entertainment. And that insane Kramer. And Jerry back in the saddle. Everyone wanted more but Jerry had to be a spoilsport; he simply decided that he was rich enough and took off to play with his money. His mattress is full of money you know, I’m quite sure he jumps around in it every night. (Perhaps he doesn’t, after all I’m just making this stuff up).
So I’m going to come up with a new episode of Seinfield, right here and right now. Will it be great? Seems unlikely since I only have about seventeen brain cells remaining. Oh wait, there goes another one in anticipation of what I’m going to write here. Yup, it’s gone. Will I get sued, even more unlikely since I have nothing for them to take, not even a car.
Think of it as a lost episode. No wait, one that was thrown away and spit on. Yes, spit on then then set on fire, and then stomped on because you really can’t have a fire hanging around. Okay, I’m good.
So how to start the episode? I know, no that just won’t do. But what if? Nah.
So Kramer rushes into Jerry’s apartment, hits him in the head with the door (it was bound to happen) and knocks him out. Wait, not only knocks him out but he’s in a coma. Kramer says, “Hey buddy, I need to borrow some eggs. I’m inventing Jerry, I got a good one. Oh yeah!!!!!!!” No response from Jerry of course so Kramer gets the eggs and departs.
So Newman enters the apartment, discovers Jerry and laughs and laughs, then proceeds to go through every inch of his apartment searching for stuff to steal. He finds an old tape recorder and departs with it. Every so often he returns to steal more stuff.
So Kramer returns to the apartment and hits Jerry with the door once again, but Jerry unconscious so he doesn’t care. He has a jug of weird green liquid and spill some of it all over the place. “This is it Jerry, this stuff is more slippery than ice. I’m gonna be rich. You do know that it’s SO RUDE not to talk to me! Jerry!”
So Kramer accidentally steps into the green stuff, slides unbelievably fast across the room and hits his head and now he’s in a coma. Newman shows up to get more stuff, and after a long evil laugh, hits his head and you guessed it, another coma victim.
Elaine and George show up, and like the two stooges they are slide around the room for a good minute, doing incredible acrobatics until Elaine accidentally throws George out the window becoming yet another coma victim. She laughs and she laughs until she slips and falls and hits her head.
So they’re all in the hospital in comas. The End.
And now you know why they spit on the script.
That’s it, you can stop reading now. That’s it, if I stop writing then you will have to stop reading! I, ah, think. Hmm.